Geplaatst in Amsterdam

Finding your significant other

If there would be a God, for God’s sake, why is finding and keeping your significant other so difficult?

It all starts with physical attraction between two people. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if chemistry would be automatically mutual? There would be no more fear of being ghosted.

Or what about having a strong physical attraction between the two of you but there is no emotional connection!

Or even worse. It happened to me several times. Finding out years later that the guy I was madly in love with also had a crush on me, but neither one of us picked up these signals.

If you are lucky you’ll be struck by cupid’s arrow. Wedding bells are ringing…Your heart is racing, your palms are sweaty and your appetite gone. You can’t sleep. Focusing is nearly impossible. He is on your mind constantly. You realize you must be sick — or, even more serious, in love!

Unfortunately being in love is no guarantee for a ‘happily-ever-after’.After a period of romance at some point you run into the first obstacles. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Hanging in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Love requires some hard work.

When you manage to stay together for a great length of time, a new problem arises. You might get bored: the same routines, the same annoying habits, the same predictable experiences and your love life is down to zero. Facing the menopause besides dealing with symptoms of aging, isn’t easy. When you get to this point of feeling yawn-y in your relationship there are several options. Be miserable, run, cheat or put some effort in and spice things back up.

I am afraid we have all been deceived. Love isn’t a fairytale after all.

In spite of all the heartache and effort we all like to share our life with someone precious. ‘Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others.’* -Bregje

*Brian Tracy

Geplaatst in Amsterdam

‘ A good neighbour is worth more than a distant friend.’ But what about co-workers? 

As a teacher your job includes, besides tasks and responsibilities, a cast of co-workers, parents and students who you’ll be working with day in and day out. There is an excellent chance you spend more time with them than with your beloved ones. Therefore I tend to bond with the people I work with. Having business orientated conversation as well as small talk and private conversations. For me that’s important because it makes collaborating at work much more relaxed and enjoyable, since you have a better connection with each others. Over the years I developed a tight bond with ‘my cast’. Despite of I decided, because of circumstance, to leave my workplace after 6 years.

Eleanor Roosevelt once quoted: ‘Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.’ I disagree. I think many people can leave a footprint in your heart although they just pass by. I think that’s what makes leaving my job so hard. We might not see each other again, but I’ll cherish our great working relationship. Thank you. -Bregje-

Geplaatst in New York

Age differents

It is striking to see the amount of couples around here having this huge age gap. I am not talking about a few years but more like several decennia. The other day I was walking behind this lady in her late 50’s and her way younger boyfriend in his 30’s. A cougar or m.i.l.f. with her toy boy as they would been called.

I catch myself on having a bias based on my own sociocultural perspective.I have that same feeling when I see an older man with a girl of his daughters age or with a gay couple with an enormous age gap. I even have this feeling when I see a tall woman with a shorter man. It’s their life’s and in no way it affects me, but still this feeling comes over me. It’s kind of weird to realize that you don’t agree on your own prejudices thoughts.

The other day I also met two elderly gay men, both being engaged with younger man. I am talking about men in their 80’s dating guys in their 40’s. Gay age gaps like that are nothing new and are much more common compared to straight relationships. Like Oscar Wilde, he was 36 when he became involved with the 22-year-old Lord Alfred Douglas.

I did a bit of research on this topic, it intrigues me. Nothing based on facts, but just by browsing the Internet. Why would someone date someone else half their age? I read somewhere: ‘we don’t look at age per se, instead we think of life stage. We also consider shared core values, background, lifestyle, goals, personality and attraction.’ I find that hard to believe. When there is a huge age gap how can you share the same goals and core values. Look at the core values of your parents and your own even though they raised you. There will always be this generation gap. And what about the assumption that the attraction is either based on a mutually satisfactory financial agreement, a daddy/ mommy fetish or a mid-life crisis.

Myself, I rather have a relationship or affair with a man about my own age in the same stage of life. But that’s what I prefer. I do understand all the obvious reasons to date a younger man but that just does not suit me.
Or maybe I do have to get my cards out and consider to find myself a toy boy. You never know after all….- by Bregje